A friend sent forwarded me a mother’s blog about balance yesterday.  In it, the author shares how quickly time flies but she also acknowledged that in the moment, time can feel like forever yet when you look back, it seems like it happened in seconds.  There are workout slogans that promise that “Pain is temporary.”  Older mothers tell me all the time to enjoy this moment because before I know it they will be out of the house.  Why, when I know this to be true, do I find myself still struggling ‘in the moment.’  And why, when it seems time takes forever, can I not get what I want done?

Last week I agreed with my college roommate Jess that I would write for ten minutes a day, but then life got in the way, as it always does.   Or maybe I’ve just gotten really good at putting what I need aside for other pressing matters, like my son needing my help to “go pee pee right now!”

It was a busy week – we were visiting my mother-in-law, so surely I should be able to set aside ten measly minutes to write, since I had another set of hands, but no, that did not happen.  Ideas floated up in my head, often while I was floating in the pool with the boys, but then I couldn’t find the moment to write these thoughts down later, my brain occupied by making dinner, chatting with my mother-in-law, moving kids to bed. Instead of berating myself as I’ve been known to do (at least in my head), I decided to just get up today and start again.  It’s not as if I’m being graded or have to turn this in.

Sometimes I miss those days of getting so absorbed in my work that when I come up for air, I can’t believe how much time has passed.  That happens to me now from time to time, and when it does, it feels great.  Now, there are constant interruptions – emails dinging with messages, phones beeping, children needing something immediately, colleagues requesting something as soon as possible.  Everything lately seems to be URGENT.  And I’m not the only one to feel this.

I remember when I had large gaps of space to fill in my evenings and weekends and how lonely that felt at times.  I envied my friends who were married and having children – they had the life I wanted.  Little did I know that I would miss some of that space – the time to ponder and dream and think without distraction.  I feel like it is so hard to string a sentence together lately, my mind racing in a million directions and my body shuttling us to all the places we need to go in a day.  But as I learned two years ago when I was training for my first race, it is simply one foot in front of the other.  One minute at a time.  Or as I re-learn in each and every yoga class – breathe in, breathe out.

Why is it so hard to find time to write?  Is it because it is something I really enjoy and it scares me?  Because I am afraid that I don’t have something to share, or that my thoughts will be judged? Am I afraid of having my light shine – like that Nelson Mandela/Marianne Williamson quote?  Or have I forgotten how to do the hard stuff in our world of convenience?  No, I’m not sure the last one is true, especially after slogging it out last Saturday in a downpour for 13.1 miles. Every step of that race was hard, but I was determined to finish – or at least get to the finish line as quickly as possible so I could get warm and dry.  And as a parent, it seems like there is hard stuff every day.

When it comes down to it, writing for 10 minutes is a good place to start.  I will keep aiming for 10 minutes each day and know that sometimes I will miss the mark completely, and other times, I will write for longer.  I do have something to say, but I’m not sure what IT is today.  I will aim for some semblance of balance – have the scales tip a little more in my favor, write a little more each day.  And when all else fails, breathe in, breathe out.