“Adoption is an institution that fulfills several purposes in contemporary American society.  It provides parents for infants who are relinquished by birth parents…It provides individuals and couples a means to bring children into their families when they are unable to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term due to fertility issues……Because of the decrease in the domestic supply of infants, more affluent women and couples have sought to adopt children from other countries.”  Jones, Jo Ph.D. (August 2008) Adoption Experience of Women and Men and Demand for Children to Adopt by Women 18-44 Years of Age in the United States, 2002 Centers for Disease Control, Vital and Health Statistics Series 23 Number 27) pg. 1  https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_027.pdf

The phrase “domestic supply of infants” is beyond insulting.   I first heard this phrase in May when Justice Alito referenced the journal article above in the leaked SCOTUS document.   I saw that it was not Justice Alito who coined the term, but the CDC.  He was using it to prove a point that safe-haven laws could help increase our domestic supply of infants, thereby another reason to overturn Roe V Wade.

I’m not here to argue semantics but speak for adoptees. 

Did you know that adoptees are 4x more likely to commit suicide?   We suffer multiple traumas being separated from our birth mothers and families of origin.  Most states do not allow us to obtain our original birth certificates. Our identities are erased.   We have no access to our medical information, so therefore do not know if we have family history of various diseases.  We are over-represented in mental healthcare settings.  Often, we are not able to discuss our feelings with our adoptive parents because they are worried about their roles in our lives. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of the “good” stories and yet my adoption impacts me in a variety of ways.  I have very dear friends who are adoptive parents.  I have no doubt that they love their children and are wonderful parents.  Being a wonderful parent doesn’t prevent your child from suffering the trauma of being separated from their biological family, even if they were adopted at birth.  Adoptees, even in the best circumstances struggle with abandonment issues, depression, disconnection, and fear.  A “better life” comes at a price, even if you do everything “right,” there are still issues. 

And let’s not forget the 1-5% of adoptees who get returned.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Parents change their minds and put the children up for “second chance adoption.”    Don’t believe me, read the 2018 article in The Atlantic, “When Families Un-Adopt a Child.”   If you deem a child too difficult or your lifestyle changes, you can put them up for second-chance adoption.  Frankly, this one takes my breath away.

It is important to point out that the adoption industry is a billion-dollar industry.  People are making money off babies.  Adoptees are treated like a thing –a product – a person to be bought/sold.  The industry has an age-old sales pitch that everyone wins – the birth mother’s “problem” goes away, the adoptive parents who can’t have children get a baby, the baby is given a better life, and everyone lives happily ever after.   Except that this is not a Disney movie.

People need to understand the dark side of adoption.  Stop saying that adoption is the solution to abortion.  Please stop using us as a pawn.  Please stop ignoring adoptee voices.  Please stop telling us that “I know of a good adoption.” Just stop.  Listen to adoptees.  Hear what we’re saying.  We can help.  But do not speak for us.  Sex education, birth control and abstinence are ways to prevent unwanted pregnancy, not adoption.  Adoption has a place in our society, but not in the way that is has been handled in the past. 

If you’d like to read a really good book about the history of adoption, check out:  American Baby: A Mother, A Child, and the Shadow History of Adoption by Gabrielle Glaser.  Not only was it well-written, but quite eye opening about the “industry.”